Tak perlu berpura-pura yang bukan dirimu

Apabila memang tak bisa
Tak perlu memaksakan
Apabila memang tak mungkin
Tak perlu menunggu
Apabila memang bukan ini jalannya
Dan serahkan..

Memang tak semuanya berakhir indah

Dan kadang berurai tetes air mata
Tapi ingatlah kau sudah berani mencoba
Dan keluar dari dirimu

Kalau memang belum waktunya
Dan bukan dia orangnya
Biarkan hatimu lapang
Dan lepas seperti burung di udara
Bapa pun tahu keinginan anaknya,
sebelum dia mengucap kata

Permainan Kata

Seribu kata tak berucap..

Tak mau untuk mengira dan menilai

Kata yang menjadi angan, ilusi dan persepsi..


Apabila kata itu lebih mudah keluar dan terdengar..

Apa yang terlihat dan ingin dilihat?

Akankah harus percaya pada sebuah kata yang ada di bagian terdalam?

Atau mempertahankan kata yang diselumuti oleh logika?

Semuanya seakan terlihat sulit..

Atau ingin dipersulit…

Itu semuanya..

Hanya sebuah permainan kata.

In my eyes, St. Ignatius was…

At a young age, he was ambitious. He dreamed to be a warrior. His ideals life were ride horse with steel vest and spear in tournament, hunted with completed by duel, enjoyed the music and did hidden affairs with women, etc. Also, he was tough guy. He did surgery without anesthetic for his proud.


Broken Legs as a turning point

There was just book of the lives of the saints. And he started to read them and imagined saint’s life.

I thought he was still the same guy, with a strong character and has a big desire. The different is he changed his attentions, not about “himself”, but “God itself”.


What I am interested in..

#1. Warning

When his aunty, Maria Velasco warned him, “Inigo, you never learn to be a wise man before somebody broke your legs.”

I believe God wants something good in us, perfectly like Him. He called each of us to come to HIM but the way (lesson and time) of HIS called are differ with one another. This message made me reflect about my turning point of life when HE called me.

#2. A life of prayer, penance and fasting

……The most thing he would like to do, after he cured was went to Jerusalem, with a penance and fasting. ……”

To be honest, it is difficult to me to have discipline time for praying and fasting. When I read this message, it reminds me for just do it. It is not only for my proud that I can do it, but for God’s glory and makes myself closer with HIM.

#3. He loved to learn and share it to others

“He learned two years in Barcelona. After that, he learned more about philosophy for one and a half years in Alkala. Also, he continued to study at university in Paris.” 

Keep learning. That is what I get from this message. And what I learn is nothing if I do not share it to others.


What I want to explore more

How is the way to do it in every single day?

Do examen ..?

Write a journal …? 

I know that.

I do not want it just stay in my mind;

 or stuck in my mouth but make it happen in my daily life.




I am trying my best, dude.  



Dear friend and companion,


I have not gone far. I have simply gone from somewhere to everywhere. Thank you for sharing my story. Trust your own story, for God is in every moment of it.

Trust your own experience, for God is in every moment of it.

Trust your own experience, for it is the raw material from which God is shaping God’s Dream in you.

Don’t worry that you don’t know who or what “God” is. Let the mystery be a mystery, and don’t try to grasp it with your own understanding, or pin it down into the limits of your own memory, or manipulate it to conform to your own narrow will.

Walk on now in courage, and in deep content. You are God’s pilgrim. God’s love and grace are all you need.

Thank you, and adieu, my friend.

A poor pilgrim, alongside you,

(Signed:) Inigo Onaz Lopez Loyola


*From the book: JUST CALL ME LOPEZ by Margaret Silf, p. 246



My mouth is sealed. I do not know why it is happen.
My ears can hear what the noises are coming out.
My eyes are just enjoy looking around and they just know.

Time flies so fast and something inside could not go.
It keeps stay and sometimes need an attention.
I just want to let it be without an interpretation.
Sometimes, I am just acting to pretend nothing is happen.
It could not be. I realize. I never can lie to myself. She just knows.

I do not know when the end of this story, just time will answer that.
Can my mouth will open and say some words?


It is not about performance, it is about learning

I remembered when I joined modern dance or cheerleaders’ competition at Senior High School, one word in our team’s mind was winning. We need to show our best performance. That’s our goal. Performance goal is one of indicator if I do something include in working things. Result or output is very important to consider than a process itself.

Until I read the book entitles Do Nothing by J. Keith Murninghan that gave me insight something beyond performance. It is not about show something but grow with it. He said that we need to continuously boost our ability, focus on learning, getting better and knowing more. I can understand that performance goal is not only the task that we accomplished and finished. But the key word in performance goal is learning. Like he said, we need to learn from experience, constantly seeking information and insights, and making the effort to grow. It is not about performance goal anymore, but learning goal.


It is okay to make a mistake for the first time.

Learn from it.

Predict what the possibilities will happen in uncertainties.

And find ways to improve and make it better.

Murninghan said as a leader, you must prepare for it, cope with it and move forward. Stuff happens and comes. When we are ready to encounter mentally, all will be alright.